Getting Out

Warning: This post really has nothing to do with KDE. Read at your own risk. Better yet, complain to whoever is in charge of Planet KDE to remove me from the planet as I don't have an svn account ;).

I imagine many of you (and presumably all of you) have felt constrained at some point in your life. Maybe it was your job, your family situation or for some other reason. But for whatever reason we all feel it at some point in our lives.


And I'm telling you that I feel it now.


It's something that creeps up on you. It's like a weight on your shoulders. And this got me to thinking, why exactly do I feel constrained? My life isn't that bad. In fact, it's pretty good.


But I came to an interesting realization. While I want to be personally very successful, I'm simultaneously very afraid of that success. Maybe it's because my ideas can be very controversial and I don't imagine myself wanting to be another John Dvorak[1] or Michael Arrington. I think there are reasons that go beyond that.

Really, I need to get out. Not in the sense that I need to get out of my house or that I just need to be gone from here (wherever here is). I need a place to air my ideas and my thoughts. Being successful (and by extension being in the spotlight) makes it that more noticeable when you're airing out your laundry. Things that would normally fall by the wayside become a detail to be taken apart and scrutinized.


I'm not even all that successful, but up to this point I've been called more things than I would have ever imagined being called. I both hate and love open source software and I'm the source of all bad things in the universe all at the same time (the hyperbole here is sarcastic).


Maybe at the end of the day I just need to be thick-skinned and stubborn. But I'm hoping there is something more to it.


[1] At least I didn't say "The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a ‘mouse’. There is no evidence that people want to use these things. I dont want one of these new fangled devices."